Church Leader Has Crisis At Home

Hey There,

Several hundred questions have been submitted to me over the past several weeks by Life Ignited readers. So, in the coming days / weeks I’ll be answering them.

Basically, I’ll answer one question per post (unless there are some easy ones that only need a sentence or two). And I’ll do my best to keep them brief, but clear.

One more thing, as we go through these, if you feel inclined to send up a silent prayer or two for the person asking the question, I’m sure it would be greatly appreciated because you’re going to hear about some very difficult situations. Remember, these questions were asked anonymously, so people really shared whatever was on their heart.

Here’s my promise to you: I’ll pray over each question in order to seek God’s wisdom, and then answer it according to my best understanding of biblical principles. But I strongly encourage you to pray and study for yourself—don’t let me do your thinking for you.

Okay, today’s question from the Life Ignited Mailbag, is:

“I am a praise and worship leader in our local church. But I feel bad every time I am on duty as I am having a problem with my family. My parents and I are not on speaking terms at the moment due to a family crisis. How do I conduct my duties without feeling guilty. By the way, the stress in my family at the moment was not caused by me—I was trying to remedy the situation and it backfired on me.”

Here’s my answer:

Dear Worship Leader, I understand your situation perfectly. Through the years when I was the pastor of a local church, there were times when my wife and I would have some kind of disagreement right before we left for church—happens to everyone. But I showed up at church feeling like the biggest hypocrite on the face of the earth. And the last thing I felt like doing was leading people in a worship experience because either I was in a sour mood or felt unworthy.

Over the years, though, I learned four things that helped me cope with these situations. And here they are:

1. Realize that it’s about Christ, not you.

Jesus said to Nicodemus in Luke 3, “If I be lifted up I’ll draw all people unto me.”

As a leader in the church you have one job and one job only: exalt Christ.

It doesn’t matter what happened at home or on the way to church or what’s going on in your family, really. All that matters, really, is that you surrender yourself to the Holy Spirit in that moment so you can become an influence for grace.

2. Realize that Christ is the perfect sacrifice, not you.

Christ is without spot or blemish—He’s perfect in every single way. But you’re not; neither am I. Why is it important to realize this? Because when you were called to serve God, God already knew about the “junk” in your life; He’s the perfect One. You and I are a work in progress—perfect in and by God’s grace but still maturing spiritually.

What I’m trying to say is that you don’t have to be perfect in order to serve God.

3.  Realize that you’ll have rifts with your loved ones.

In John 7, Christ’s own brothers didn’t believe Him—there was a kind of rift in the family. What did Jesus do?

* He remained loving.
* He remained true to His calling.
* He continued His ministry.

I suggest you do the same.

Which leads me to the 4th realization:

4.  Realize that you’re not the Holy Spirit.

Sometimes out of a sense of goodness and wanting to do the right thing, we try to do what even the Holy Spirit has been unable to do: fix situations and change people. We need to wait on God and for His timing, giving the Holy Spirit time to do His work, (how many years did it take for Jacob and Esau to make up?).

Here’s my advice to you right now about your family: be loving; forgive them by releasing any anger or bitterness you may have in your heart towards them (notice I said, “may"); be Christlike in your treatment of them; allow them to make their own decisions and choices; realize that in Christ all is well with your heart.

At the end of the day, there’s only one person you’re responsible for changing and that’s you. As you stay focused on Christ and allow His grace to make you more and more like Him, you’ll see some pretty amazing things starting to happen around you.

There’s just one last thing I feel like I need to say: As a church leader, ask yourself often, “Why am I up here in front of all these people doing this?” Your motive needs to be pure. If it’s for any other reason than to exalt Christ, then this is an issue I’d suggest you spend time in prayer over. This process is important because it keeps you spiritually and emotionally healthy.

One of the most common problems I notice with people who are leading worship either as a pastor or other leader, is that they become melancholy and use their time “upfront” as some weird kind of public therapy session—it’s hard to explain what I’m talking about because I’m not explaining myself well—and I’m certainly NOT suggesting in any way that you’re this kind of person—but these 4 things I just mentioned, along with the motive-probing question I’m suggesting, will keep you emotionally and spiritually healthy and balanced, both as a person and also as a leader. You can always tell when a person is in it for God or for themselves; I don’t want to ever be that kind of person, and I know you don’t either.

Thanks for your question!

Dedicated to Your Spiritual Freedom,

Lynell

PS—Please feel free to share your thoughts and words of wisdom to this reader’s question by leaving a comment below.

PPS—Most of you know, we use a service called Disqus in order to leave a comment because this helps to prevent all kinds of horrible and embarrassing spamming issues. It adds an extra step to the commenting process, but it’s the responsible way to handle this situation in this day and age. Your understanding is much appreciated.

August 25, 2008 | Permalink | del.icio.us | StumbleUpon | | |